


Love & Support

by whitherwaywill



Series: live as best we can [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Gen, It's all canon, Minor Character Death, Mother-Daughter Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:27:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25660603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whitherwaywill/pseuds/whitherwaywill
Summary: Andromeda chose Ted, and she hasn't regretted it once.
Relationships: Andromeda Black Tonks/Ted Tonks, Bellatrix Black Lestrange & Narcissa Black Malfoy & Andromeda Black Tonks, Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks
Series: live as best we can [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1809988
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	Love & Support

Teddy won’t stop crying. 

I can hear his sobs even in the living room, where I’m patching up an old pair of Ted’s trousers. I can’t get out of the habit, even though I know Ted won’t be coming back to claim them. The thought pricks my heart like a needle. 

Remus sits by the fire, his hand over his eyes. One of his knees jogs in time with Teddy’s wails. A part of me wants to disapprove of him sitting out here, while Nymphadora struggles – but I know Remus well enough by now to know that he would still be in there with her, had Nymphadora not bodily forced him out of the room. 

It’s close enough to the full moon that he gets piercing headaches at the slightest noise, and the racket Teddy is making is far from slight. 

I can’t bring myself to disapprove of my daughter’s husband. 

When she informed me of her choice, I had my misgivings. He was older than her, and a werewolf to boot. But I couldn’t let my ill-founded, inbred prejudices force me into a mistake. I couldn’t turn my own daughter out the way my parents had me, when I made the decision to marry Ted.

He loves her, and she loves him. 

That’s all that should matter. 

_I told my sisters first. I hoped they would support me – that they would help me face down our parents, as I defied their wish that I marry my baby cousin._

_My hope was ill-founded and foolish._

_Cissa’s face closed off into an indifferent mask as soon as the words were out of my mouth, a chilly smile disguising whatever emotional turmoil she felt on the inside._

_Bellatrix exploded._

_“I do not believe you,” she hissed, her face a mask of disgust. “You will regret it. You will lose your family, your position – think of what you are doing, Andy! Think of what you give up!”_

_“I love him,” I said, firmly. I held onto that truth with both hands, refusing to let go. “I don’t care about my ‘position’, Bella, Cissa… I just want to be happy. Can you… this will make me happy. Will you be happy for me?”_

_Cissa opened her mouth to speak, but Bella stepped in front of her, her shoulder shoving our youngest sister back. My mouth trembled; I recognized this position from all the times I had used it, standing between my sisters and our parents. A shield._

_“Do not speak, Cissa,” Bella spat._

_I knew at that moment that it was over. If I left to be with Ted, I would be leaving my sisters behind as well. An ache in my breastbone grew ever stronger._

_“It will not be worth it!” Bellatrix aimed her vitriol at me like a wand spewing curses. “Marry a mudblood, and you will regret it for the rest of your life!” Her chest heaves. “Would you give up your family for such a creature?”_

_I shouldn’t have to, I wanted to say. I should be able to love whomever I want, and my family should love and support me. My spine stiffened._

_Love and support was not the way of the Ancient and Noble House of Black._

Teddy is still crying. 

I set my sewing aside, and stand, brushing off my skirt. With a small smile at the pacing Remus, I head towards the nursery. 

It’s a bit odd, seeing bright yellow walls. When Nymphadora was a baby, the walls were a cotton-candy pink. Then, we used to charm them almost every week, to match her hair. 

Ted could do it wandlessly, from the opposite end of the house, by the time she was old enough to do it herself. 

Nymphadora’s hair is bright red, matching the flush on her cheeks and Teddy’s furious scarlet locks. He waves his tiny fists, sobbing incoherently. 

“Mum -” Nymphadora starts to greet me, but she’s interrupted when Teddy grabs a chunk of her hair and yanks. “Merlin - _Teddy -_ why won’t you go to sleep?”

Her voice spirals up into a wail, and my heart goes out to her. She and Remus have been up every night since Teddy’s been born, or that’s what it seems like. I’ve tried to help, but they’ve refused my offer every time. 

I remember being a young mother. 

“Give him to me, Nymphadora,” I say over Teddy’s wails. 

She thinks about fighting me, I can tell, but she gives up before the idea can gain any more steam. She shifts Teddy into my arms, her own arms sinking to her sides. 

I hum quietly, walking Teddy about the room at a slow, steady pace, and before long, his sobs peter out.

Nymphadora huffs, watching me. She rubs her eyes. 

“You’ll get the hang of it,” I promise her. “It’s a learning process.”

She shakes her head. “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong,” Nymphadora says, sagging into the rocking chair. “I just… Maybe I’m just not cut out to be a mother. I don’t seem to be very good at it.”

I smile. “You don’t think I started out perfect, do you?”

Nymphadora’s eyes are wide, and she gapes at Teddy as he settles into sleep. “I… I kinda do, Mum.”

I shake my head. “Go get some rest, Nymphadora. Teddy’s asleep, and I’ll come get you when he wakes up.”

The relief on my daughter’s face is tangible. She slinks out of the room, heading for her own bed. 

I sigh, still shaking my head. 

Perfect. If only she knew...

_“I can’t make her stop crying!”_

_My own mouth trembled as I bounced Nymphadora, trying and trying to make her settle. It was a flip of the coin whether I’d be able to retain my composure, or join my daughter in her sobs._

_Ted stumbled out of bed, yawning. His hair was flat on one side, and stood straight up on the other. “She’s a baby, Andy,” he said sleepily. “You can’t make her do anything.”_

_He took Nymphadora from me, and tried to rock her himself. Her sobs toned themselves down only a little. My shoulders sagged._

_I stared down at my baby. “I never should have had a child,” I said, and sobs worked their way up my throat, choking me. “Daughters with bad mothers are bad mothers themselves. I shouldn’t -”_

_“Hey, hey…” Ted settled onto the bed. Nymphadora’s sobs slowed to sniffles. He reached out for me, and I slumped into his side. “You’re not a bad mother, Andy. You’re learning.”_

_“I’m not supposed to be!” I burst out. “Aren’t mothers supposed to just know? The motherly instinct -”_

_Ted laughed, then immediately subdued himself to a low chuckle – afraid of waking Nymphadora, who had settled into a light sleep. “You’ll get the hang of it,” he promised, shifting Nymphadora into my arms. “It’s a sort of ‘learn as you go’ process, I think.”_

_I pouted. It was incredibly undignified, but I couldn’t help it. “I dislike ‘learning by doing’.”_

_“That’s okay,” Ted said, leaning against my shoulder. “We’ll learn together.”_

“Mum?” 

Nymphadora is too loud for the nursery, but Teddy doesn’t even flinch. She pokes her head in the door, smiling when she sees her baby. Remus hovers behind her. 

“Mum, we’ve got to go,” she says, softer this time. 

“Where?” I ask. Dread curls in the pit of my stomach. 

“Hogwarts,” Remus answers me. “It’s time.”

His solemn eyes meet mine. I stand, intent on walking them out. They kiss Teddy goodbye, doing their best not to wake him. He sleeps through it all, and doesn’t make a peep when I tuck him into his crib.

Remus and Nymphadora are excited by the time they reach the door. My daughter doesn’t even bother to pull on a cloak. Her eyes are bright and feverish with conviction, and she looks so very young – so young that I can’t believe she has a son. 

“We’ll be back soon, I hope,” she says. “They’re saying that Harry’s at Hogwarts.” She kisses me on the cheek. “Thanks for watching Teddy.”

Remus presses my hand with a smile, then they’re gone in a whirl of cloaks and cold air through the door. 

I stand still, stunned. 

They left so quickly. 

I wait through the night, but Nymphadora and Remus do not return. 

_Ted and I packed his bags the day we learned of the muggle-born registration. The day after, he was ready to leave._

_“It won’t be for long, my love,” he said, cupping my cheek in his hand. His kind eyes crinkled at the edges as he smiled at me. “Just until the war is over.”_

_I shook my head. “Too long,” I said, helplessly, selfishly. I knew why he had to leave, but it was hard not to feel abandoned._

_“Hey.” Ted tilted my chin up, making me meet his eyes. I tried my best not to cry, even though I knew my ‘not-crying’ face looked furious._

_Ted’s eyes softened. “I love you,” he said, and I almost broke._

_“I love you,” I repeated, shoving all my fear, my love, my hope into those three words and pushing them at him. He pulled me into his arms, his embrace firm and fierce._

_Two tears were all I allowed out, before we were pulling apart, and he gave me one last kiss goodbye, as though he were just headed off to work, and not into more secure hiding than our Fidelius’d house._

_“Take care of Dora,” he said, with a smile, giving my shoulder one last squeeze. “I love you, Andy. I’ll be home soon.”_

_The door closed too quickly behind him._

Listening to the report of Ted’s death on Potterwatch was agony. I can’t think of it, as I take care of Teddy – I can’t think of my husband’s death without immediately jumping to worry about my daughter and son-in-law, who still haven’t come home when the next day dawns. 

There is a knock on the door that afternoon. I startle, my hand going straight to my wand, before I remember that we are still under a Fidelius. 

I know better than to think my husband would knock on his own front door, or that my daughter wouldn’t just apparate in. But when I open the door and they are not standing there waiting for me, hope I didn’t know I still had dies inside me with a jolt. 

I only met Harry Potter once, but his is a face I will not easily forget. He stands on my doorstep, looking decades older than his seventeen years. 

One look at that world-weary face and I _know._

I wait for my daughter to return to me in vain.

My face must be a sight, because Harry wordlessly steps inside, taking Teddy from me. He squeezes my shoulder, then takes my grandson into the house, sweetly asking Teddy where he keeps his toys. 

I close the door, and I break, my back curving. Desperately gripping the doorframe, I clap my hand against my mouth, muffling the hoarse scream that I can’t hold back any longer. 

Bellatrix’s hiss resounds in my head, echoing through the years – _it will not be worth it! marry a mudblood, and you will regret it the rest of your life –_ but she is _wrong._

The iron in my spine returns, cold and unyielding, forcing it back into the perfect posture my mother beat into me all those years ago. 

I do not regret marrying Ted, nor bearing him a child, no matter the unspeakable grief that consumes me.

I would not give up the happiness I _had_ just to avoid the pain I feel now.

I would not give up my past for the world.


End file.
